There are just some things you never lose a taste for, regardless if they are discontinued or not. I catch myself at times daydreaming about some of the foods that are no longer with us that I had growing up. I am sure you have the same mouth-watering times that pop into your head from out of nowhere. We loved these foods, but that didn’t stop them from taking them away or the way we ordered them.
It was a mystery the day they disappeared. Like an alien spaceship just took them away to another Galaxy. How many times, eating cereal, would I turn around the milk carton and expect to see a “missing poster” for the food? I will share some of mine that I miss and the impact their disappearance had on my life.
This is not a happy story. Let me warn you now, please don’t read any further if you are squeamish and cry over memorabilia or nostalgia. Cause this isn’t pretty. To the brave ones who have stayed, we salute you.
PBMax Candy Bar
The Mars family decided to discontinue this wonderful candy bar in the early ’90s cause they disliked peanut butter. Now, what normal person doesn’t like that? C’mon now. It was a crunchy whole-grain cookie stacked with oats and peanut butter and then enrobed in a medium layer of real milk chocolate. It was a huge seller grossing almost $50 million in sales.
Keebler Magic Middles
A delicious shortbread cookie with a dollop of fudge in the middle, they were awesome, and if you put them in the microwave for 3 seconds per cookie, you had perfection. I used to take whip cream and put a little “hat” on each one, and between the soft cookie and the hot fudge, it was the most amazing cookie experience. Sometimes I even put colored sprinkles on.
Keebler magic middles discontinued in the late ’80s sometime, I will miss them forever. They tortured me by keeping the picture sold out on the Walmart website. Grrrrrr!!!!! Sometimes, I hate those elves.
French Toast Crunch – discontinued in the mid-1990s
One of my all-time favorite cereals, French Toast Crunch, was made by General Mills. The cereal resembled mini french toast with cinnamon on top and maple syrup flavor baked right in. OMG, how good was that?
I used to get the biggest spoon I could find, then spoon some cereal out of a dry bowl, then take some milk and pour it over the spoon, and then CRUNCH, it was gone. I didn’t like it as much when the little pieces of french toast got soggy. There was a real secret to eating that cereal, a true technique. Probably one of the reasons it got discontinued was caused the next generation was clueless about how to do it. No wonder this country is going down the tubes. Can’t even decipher a cereal.
Buitoni’s Instant Toaster Pizza – the microwave killed this product in the ’80s sometime.
These awesome little discs of dough with an artificial pizza middle were so gross and disgusting. They were genius. You popped them out of the freezer and put them in the toaster. Probably one of the most dangerous food items ever invented. They would pop open in the toaster if you cooked them too long, and all you would see is smoking coming out of the toaster cause of the lava cheese and sauce hitting the heating element, warning everyone that fire was imminent.
Every kid I knew so adored these hockey pucks filled with artificial cheese and “sauce,” there was never a house fire cause no one wanted to lose the Buitoni.
Buitoni has been discontinued for 30 years, and in 2011 people started a Facebook page and a campaign to bring them back. Buitoni almost gave in a few times, but no dice yet. We shall persevere. One thousand three hundred likes on Facebook, and I would owe you a favor if you could please like the page.
McDonald’s Super Size – discontinued in 2004
I know it isn’t technically food, but that doesn’t mean I can’t count it, and I don’t feel the pain of separation. Cause I certainly do. I never really had an issue with my weight since serving in the U.S. Air Force. So McDonald’s Supersize never impacted me, and I think it is nonsense that some fat piggies had to spoil the party for the rest of us good little piggies.
Mickey D’s says it was a simple menu simplification and was not pressure that forced the elimination because of the highly irresponsible Morgan Spurlock documentary, “Super Size Me,” eating 5,000 calories a day for a month. What did the guy expect, a clear complexion and six-pack abs? C’mon now, that was a Draconian choice to eliminate the Supersize option, and I am boycotting Spurlock films for the rest of my skinny life.
So there you have it, the 5 most traumatic food discontinuations in my life. There are more of them. I just ran out of Kleenex. I will probably discontinue those if I am not careful.